Bruno Vincent is the author of an absolute shedload of humour titles including the Enid Blyton for Grown-ups Series and (with Jon Butler) the bestselling Do Ants Have Arseholes?, a Christmas No.1 back in the more innocent days of Myspace and News of the World. He has also written two volumes of gothic horror stories for children which were adapted for the stage.
Sherlock Holmes and The Air Fryer of Doom
In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, it’s Christmas at Baker Street, and Holmes is obsessed his most fiendish of unsolved cases: someone is murdering Santas across London!
As Holmes and Watson struggle through the Christmas-shopping crowds, they must catch this most dastardly and un-Christmassy of villains, while sneakily trying to purchase each other’s Christmas presents (they are in the world’s least-secret Secret Santa, after all).
Meanwhile, with the museums of London refusing to return cultural artefacts to their countries of origin, someone is taking matters into their own hands, and stealing back what was stolen.
Are the cases connected, and could an ancient air fryer of demonic power hold the key to the mystery of the murdered Santas? And more importantly, can you prepare a whole Christmas dinner in an air fryer*?
*Whether you can or not, Dr Watson’s going to give it a jolly good try. Ho Ho Holmes!
Five on Brexit Island
It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a ‘remainer,’ whilst Julian, who is in the ‘Brexit’ camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.)
The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George’s initial hope that the ‘remainers’ will triumph proves premature…
Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain… that is until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.
Do Ants Have Arseholes?
… and 101 other bloody ridiculous questions.
How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas?
The readers of Old Git magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication’s popular letters page. Do Ants Have Arseholes? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact.
A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.